I'm so fucking centered right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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