i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
