I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
