apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just found puke in my bra..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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