my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize