At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think my moral compass just broke
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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