I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
