Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
