My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
