you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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