hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize