Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
