is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
