Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
