Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
