I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
