woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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