We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
