Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
