All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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