As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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