i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize