R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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