and next time when you feel me up, do it right
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
