while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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