why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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