i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
