At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
