And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
