It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
