New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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