i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
