i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
