hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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