dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
