That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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