I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
