I think i peed on brittanys purse
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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