Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
