So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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