The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
