lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
