question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
