at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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