my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
