i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
