Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
