He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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