Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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