i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
