My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
