Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
