I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
