Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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