im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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