At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
