Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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