I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
