I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
