the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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