OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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