i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize