I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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