I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
