im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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