I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
