feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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