you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
